I was asked (I volunteered) to give a talk at the most recent Mother Other artist networking event – held in Middlesbrough. It was an event for artists who are also parents, and I recently had a baby – this is relevant context.
I wrote a talk called: ‘How to be Creative between the Hours of 11:05-12:30’ – It is about using the time during my baby’s daily nap to do something creative.
The video I’ve included here is a shortened version of the presentation I had running during my talk. The presentation ran for about 14 minutes, and the slides were about 2 minutes each.
The presentation is cut with ‘Intrusive Slides’ which flash up between slide transitions for a few seconds; specifically when I had my back to the screen, so the audience saw them but I (seemingly) couldn’t. I did not reference them until the end of the talk.
The sound that accompanied the slide transition is a harsh video static, the intrusive slides are black, and they are a stark contrast to the primary colours of the main presentation. Originally, the entire video had children’s music to accompany it, and the static drowned out the music during transitions – but I couldn’t make that work with the technology on the day!!
On the surface level, my talk was an optimistic one about how to be creative in a short space of time, while dealing with the change in your life which a child brings. This is still a very valid talk, and something I do try to practice.
On another level the talk is about struggling with the commitments of work, childcare, and being a working-class artist. Which I’m finding impossible.
I’ll include here the entire script of the talk if you want to read it. It’s a light-hearted list of ways to work on your creativity and do something for yourself each day.
The talk ends with the Intrusive slide: THERE’S NO PLACE IN ART FOR WORKING CLASS MOTHERS – and I change the tone of the talk to discuss how I’m defeated by the psychological, emotional and financial pressures of being a #workingclass #mother
MOTHEROTHER is funded by a Project Grant from Arts Council England @aceagrams , The NewBridge Project @newbridgeproject and @helixartsne with additional support from @theauxiliaryprojectspace and @balticgateshead – space provided by @navigatornorth
The Script:
Slide 1: What I’ve done to stay creative while I have a very limited time span? I’ve started creating a sketchbook of ‘birds’.
(Intrusive slide: I CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT ANYMORE)
Slide 2: Pick a light subject that you don’t have to think too much about. Why birds? Why not? My baby likes birds, and it’s something I can show her that we can share. There are a lot of different birds, I’m not going to run out of subject matter
Also, a lot of artists have drawn birds, so there’s a lot of different styles I can try.
There’s nothing complex (to me!) about birds, there’s no deep thinking involved, if I see a bird I like I can draw it.
(Intrusive slide: THERE’S NO TIME)
Slide 3: Be OK with not being perfect: one of the good things about having a low-cost sketchbook, is that no one is expecting it to be perfect. One of the things I struggle with is not being perfect. As you can see, this pheasant is not biologically accurate.
(Intrusive slide: I DON’T HAVE MONEY FOR CHILDCARE)
Slide 4: You don’t have to finish everything: Again, this really irritates me, but it is something I’ve been learning to adjust to. I’m not going to finish anything. I’m going to get interrupted, I’m going to forget what I was doing and I’m just going to get bored. My attention span isn’t what it was once, and that’s OK, I don’t have to put pressure on myself to finish everything
(Intrusive slide: TRY AGAIN IN TEN YEARS)
Slide 5: Lower the bar – you don’t have to work towards an outcome. Something that has helped me is not actively working towards anything other than having a sketchbook full of birds. I don’t need the extra pressure of completing something grand. Just doing something creative once a day should be enough right now. If all I’m doing is forming a creative habit for my mental health, that’s good enough.
(Intrusive slide: NOTHING YOU DO IS INTERESTING NOW)
Slide 6: Don’t feel you have to tidy up before being creative: I read something somewhere once (I cite my sources well) that women feel the need to do all the chores before doing anything creative for themselves. So it’s easy to think ‘oh it’s nap time, I should wash up, or get the lunch ready’ – honestly no one cares if the lunch is a bit late, just do some drawing. At least the baby can look at a nice bird you drew while she literally starves to death
(Intrusive slide: I CAN’T DO EVERYTHING)
Slide 7: Buy cheap art supplies because your baby will eat them: I think this point explains itself. You’re not a bad mother if your baby ate your art supplies. You weren’t expecting someone rational to just eat a whole charcoal stick. They’re not rational people. She’s fine. I think this is a learning experience.
(Intrusive slide: I CAN’T CHANGE ANYTHING)
Slide 8: Your art style or subjects you draw may have changed, that’s O
k to embrace something new: Something that a few people have mentioned to me is now their work is completely different from before they had kids. It’s a life-changing event I suppose. I think because I’m surrounded by different people now, and different imagery – I see a lot of cartoon ducks and dogs and shit now, that’s going to get in your head. I can’t do anything without bright primary colours now, It’s the only thing I see
(Intrusive slide: NO ALLOWANCES WILL BE MADE FOR YOU)
Slide 9: Find a good place to hide your sketchbook! Because your baby will try to eat it. I never thought I’d have someone actively working against me to eat my sketchbook, but I do now. I’ve learnt though, think of somewhere you can quickly hide your sketchbook – but change the place often, because they get wise to it. I use under the sofa cushions and on top of the fire. You might consider a lockable box or something
(Intrusive slide: I SHOULDN’T CALL MYSELF AN ARTIST ANYMORE)
Slide 10: Have fun with it! Just to go over the points so far, it’s OK to be imperfect, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself, you’ve got a lot on and being creative has fallen down your list of priorities. Be OK with doing art for arts sake, and form a creative habit. Pick something fun for you, and as a bonus, fun for your kids to look at. My baby has helped me on some of these pages with crayons, she loves birds and we look through the sketchbook together sometimes. It’s OK to just try and stay creative and have a record of things you’ve done that day – just so you can look back on that day and say ‘Yes, I existed, I did SOMETHING, and it made me feel OK for the hour’.
I hope this has helped you….
(Intrusive slide: THERE’S NO PLACE IN ART FOR WORKING CLASS MOTHERS)
Slide the last: ….Because Honestly though, I’ve given up. It’s always been difficult, the arts are competitive by their very nature. And being from a working-class background, the first in your family to go to university, not having the connections, no one else paying your rent – It’s almost impossible. But I never gave up, I thought it was impossible for OTHER people, If I wanted it bad enough I could work through the night or just practice really hard or whatever.
And I’ve come up against the usual sexism in my working life, and I thought I could probably work around that too. But the intense physical and psychological pressure I’ve been under the last 16 months has ended me – and I don’t see a way through.
The systems of support for artist parents is just lacking. It’s a field where there are too many people, and those people are overpromising for too few jobs that aren’t well paid in the first place and I don’t have time to join them any more.
I can’t justify spending money on childcare to make art that might not pay out. You can say if I don’t like the system then I can work to change it – but when do I have time to do that?
I’m defeated, and no one will miss me when I quietly drop out, because they expect me to, because I’m a mother now.
I thought I’d show you both sides here, my general optimism and drive to stay creative while on the fringes of giving up entirely – just to say it out loud, in case anyone else feels the same way. You are not alone.
Aimee Charlotte 