WAM Residency

I decided to do a month-long online artists residency. It went as well as could be expected – here are my thoughts on the final day!

‘Working-class, Artist, Mother’ – Feels quite impossible.
‘Artist’ is a hard thing to do anyway, I won’t elaborate on that. It’s also well documented that the numbers of working-class people are decreasing in the arts.

You can argue the different reasons for this, but personally, I feel like it’s something to do with having no monetary safety net, combined with lack of network,
and reduced opportunities. The same (well, similar) things can be said for artists who are mothers. Time, money, network, accidental discrimination, and
sometimes just genuine discrimination.

Amazingly, some working-class artist mothers do exist, and WAM (Working-class Artist Mothers) is a group of them. I joined WAM as it started, the usual way I join most things, online. WAM as a collective is mostly an online group, as the artists are spread out across the UK – There’s a good amount of ‘whatsapping’ and ‘google meets’. At the moment, at least for now, WAM feels very much like a support group of artists whose goal is getting to know it’s members and the challenges they face.

Many of the members (not all) have older children, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence. I have a toddler, and there’s very little headspace to be had when you’re dealing with someone who would live inside your skin, if they possibly could. She doesn’t understand the word ‘no’, (or at least she pretends she doesn’t). She’s stolen my paints, she’s eaten my charcoal, and she’s harshly critiqued my drawing of a bird. I cannot work under these conditions.

I’m glad I joined WAM, if only for the confirmation that other people are similarly frustrated. In general, I’d pretty much given up on art, as I could not see a
way forward while my baby is young, but, impulsively, I did decide to take part in WAM’s current group spring/summer project: The Online Residency.

I started by tipping out my sketchbook pages onto the bed to look at the chaos. I decided my goal for this residency was to think about how my practice has changed since I had a baby, and what I enjoy about it (the practice, not the baby)

WAM offered the opportunity this spring to do an ‘online residency’, and what that seems to mean is taking over the group’s fledgling Instagram account for a
month, thinking up your own project, and posting whatever I felt like. I agreed to the month of May, which seemed ages away, surely, I’d have myself together enough by then to really make something interesting?
There are two group crits during the residency (via zoom call, naturally), and two artists per month are allowed to contribute two posts per week, and
unlimited Instagram stories.

I thought about the project and also about how the way I see things has changed

Today, my residency is nearly over, and in some ways, it has been a disaster. In other ways it has forced me to reflect on what is actually possible in my current situation. And what I want to do with my practice, if anything.
What I’ve learnt:

1 – On reflection – I should probably give up my painting studio. There has been heavy implication from studio management that children shouldn’t be brought into the building, so I can’t take her in with me. That’s fair enough really, the studio I rent does not have facilities for children, it’s not family friendly and there’s no incentive for them to make it family friendly. Even though I’ve seen many artists there (parents and grandparents) sneaking children in so they can watch them while they work (don’t ask me who, I’m no snitch).

I can’t afford to pay for childcare just so I can go and paint something that may or may not make any money so… I think for the time being I need to scale back.

when I started drawing again, I had no interest in my old subjects, I saw the baby every day, so I drew the baby. I drew her as a strange creature

2 – Usually with a residency, you’d be residing somewhere else, the clue is in the name.
But I’m just still at home, I’m still in the same space, and I have to run a project simultaneously alongside my work/parent life.
In my experience, you get to the end of the day, you finish cleaning up whatever your toddler has pissed on today (the floor usually) and then you think: “oh
my fucking god, I have to do some art. I’m not doing anything big, I can’t be arsed, I like frogs, I’m going to draw a frog”.
This could charitably be called the ‘lean method’ towards artistic practice, really focussing on what you find interesting, or what you want to say. I should really write this up for LinkedIn – ‘What can you be arsed doing’ methodology.

3 – The visually imagery of my life has changed, so obviously my work will change. I feel like I’ve been in limbo since I had the baby – just sort of drifting fromone bizarre scenario to the next. The things I see everyday are not the same things I used to see. I’m bombarded with bright colours, annoying characters, dinosaurs, etc.

I’ve seen every kid’s film that has ever been made, and also, somehow ‘The Secret Life of Pets ’ fifty-six times.

My work is being drawn more towards the narrative, the story, the colourful.
My world is smaller now, so I’m more introspective. I wonder how my baby sees the world; I wonder how my baby sees me.
I draw a frog, the baby sees it, and she is delighted.

I told the baby there is a giant frog living in the bathroom, here I am illustrating this lie

4 – I’m not ready to do this right now, and that’s fine. It’s all about timing, and I don’t have time today. Or tomorrow. Or this year.
I’ve been traumatised, the birth was difficult and I was hurt significantly. I know I’m traumatised, because if you ask me about it, then I’ll cry. That’s how I know.
I realise I don’t have to dedicate all my time to a big project, just coasting along and staying creative while I get through the current period of my life is fine. I don’t need an outcome, just a few pages in a sketchbook are a good outcome. I need to work on small projects that make me happy. Maybe I can use art to work through that trauma I mentioned.

5 – Finally, I need to be more organised. Oh, wow that’s an easy thing to say, lets see how we follow up on that.
I need to carve out space and time for myself to do creative things, which make me feel good, as a form of rest and play. If the house is a mess (it is) I don’t need to clean it before I can do some drawing – unless the drawing materials are under a pile of clothes, then yes, I need to move that.

I need to be stricter on reducing ‘dead time’ periods, like when I’m scrolling on my phone for an hour for no reason – I’m pretty sure this is a form of avoidance, an anaesthetic for
the feelings of being overwhelmed and stressed. It’s not helping though.

In conclusion: I didn’t make that many posts on the WAM Instagram. I did work on my project. I did enjoy some of the images I made. I did get to share how I make art. I did enjoy my group crit, where I talked a lot about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I do feel solidarity with other artist mothers more, having listened to other peoples group crits.

So was it worth doing an online residency? Yes, I think so. At least I have a lot of frog drawings now.

WAM instagram page

MotherOther Artist Talk

The presentation which accompanied my artist talk

I was asked (I volunteered) to give a talk at the most recent Mother Other artist networking event – held in Middlesbrough. It was an event for artists who are also parents, and I recently had a baby – this is relevant context.

I wrote a talk called: ‘How to be Creative between the Hours of 11:05-12:30’ – It is about using the time during my baby’s daily nap to do something creative.

The video I’ve included here is a shortened version of the presentation I had running during my talk. The presentation ran for about 14 minutes, and the slides were about 2 minutes each.

The presentation is cut with ‘Intrusive Slides’ which flash up between slide transitions for a few seconds; specifically when I had my back to the screen, so the audience saw them but I (seemingly) couldn’t. I did not reference them until the end of the talk.

The sound that accompanied the slide transition is a harsh video static, the intrusive slides are black, and they are a stark contrast to the primary colours of the main presentation. Originally, the entire video had children’s music to accompany it, and the static drowned out the music during transitions – but I couldn’t make that work with the technology on the day!!

On the surface level, my talk was an optimistic one about how to be creative in a short space of time, while dealing with the change in your life which a child brings. This is still a very valid talk, and something I do try to practice.
On another level the talk is about struggling with the commitments of work, childcare, and being a working-class artist. Which I’m finding impossible.

I’ll include here the entire script of the talk if you want to read it. It’s a light-hearted list of ways to work on your creativity and do something for yourself each day.
The talk ends with the Intrusive slide: THERE’S NO PLACE IN ART FOR WORKING CLASS MOTHERS – and I change the tone of the talk to discuss how I’m defeated by the psychological, emotional and financial pressures of being a #workingclass #mother

MOTHEROTHER is funded by a Project Grant from Arts Council England @aceagrams , The NewBridge Project @newbridgeproject and @helixartsne with additional support from @theauxiliaryprojectspace and @balticgateshead – space provided by @navigatornorth

The Script:

Slide 1: What I’ve done to stay creative while I have a very limited time span? I’ve started creating a sketchbook of ‘birds’.

(Intrusive slide: I CAN’T THINK STRAIGHT ANYMORE)

Slide 2: Pick a light subject that you don’t have to think too much about. Why birds? Why not? My baby likes birds, and it’s something I can show her that we can share. There are a lot of different birds, I’m not going to run out of subject matter

Also, a lot of artists have drawn birds, so there’s a lot of different styles I can try.

There’s nothing complex (to me!) about birds, there’s no deep thinking involved, if I see a bird I like I can draw it.

(Intrusive slide: THERE’S NO TIME)

Slide 3: Be OK with not being perfect: one of the good things about having a low-cost sketchbook, is that no one is expecting it to be perfect. One of the things I struggle with is not being perfect. As you can see, this pheasant is not biologically accurate.

(Intrusive slide: I DON’T HAVE MONEY FOR CHILDCARE)

Slide 4: You don’t have to finish everything: Again, this really irritates me, but it is something I’ve been learning to adjust to. I’m not going to finish anything. I’m going to get interrupted, I’m going to forget what I was doing and I’m just going to get bored. My attention span isn’t what it was once, and that’s OK, I don’t have to put pressure on myself to finish everything

(Intrusive slide: TRY AGAIN IN TEN YEARS)

Slide 5: Lower the bar – you don’t have to work towards an outcome. Something that has helped me is not actively working towards anything other than having a sketchbook full of birds. I don’t need the extra pressure of completing something grand. Just doing something creative once a day should be enough right now. If all I’m doing is forming a creative habit for my mental health, that’s good enough.

(Intrusive slide: NOTHING YOU DO IS INTERESTING NOW)

Slide 6: Don’t feel you have to tidy up before being creative: I read something somewhere once (I cite my sources well) that women feel the need to do all the chores before doing anything creative for themselves. So it’s easy to think ‘oh it’s nap time, I should wash up, or get the lunch ready’ – honestly no one cares if the lunch is a bit late, just do some drawing. At least the baby can look at a nice bird you drew while she literally starves to death

(Intrusive slide: I CAN’T DO EVERYTHING)

Slide 7: Buy cheap art supplies because your baby will eat them: I think this point explains itself. You’re not a bad mother if your baby ate your art supplies. You weren’t expecting someone rational to just eat a whole charcoal stick. They’re not rational people. She’s fine. I think this is a learning experience.

(Intrusive slide: I CAN’T CHANGE ANYTHING)

Slide 8: Your art style or subjects you draw may have changed, that’s O
k to embrace something new: Something that a few people have mentioned to me is now their work is completely different from before they had kids. It’s a life-changing event I suppose. I think because I’m surrounded by different people now, and different imagery – I see a lot of cartoon ducks and dogs and shit now, that’s going to get in your head. I can’t do anything without bright primary colours now, It’s the only thing I see

(Intrusive slide: NO ALLOWANCES WILL BE MADE FOR YOU)

Slide 9: Find a good place to hide your sketchbook! Because your baby will try to eat it. I never thought I’d have someone actively working against me to eat my sketchbook, but I do now. I’ve learnt though, think of somewhere you can quickly hide your sketchbook – but change the place often, because they get wise to it. I use under the sofa cushions and on top of the fire. You might consider a lockable box or something

(Intrusive slide: I SHOULDN’T CALL MYSELF AN ARTIST ANYMORE)

Slide 10: Have fun with it! Just to go over the points so far, it’s OK to be imperfect, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself, you’ve got a lot on and being creative has fallen down your list of priorities. Be OK with doing art for arts sake, and form a creative habit. Pick something fun for you, and as a bonus, fun for your kids to look at. My baby has helped me on some of these pages with crayons, she loves birds and we look through the sketchbook together sometimes. It’s OK to just try and stay creative and have a record of things you’ve done that day – just so you can look back on that day and say ‘Yes, I existed, I did SOMETHING, and it made me feel OK for the hour’.

I hope this has helped you….

(Intrusive slide: THERE’S NO PLACE IN ART FOR WORKING CLASS MOTHERS)

Slide the last: ….Because Honestly though, I’ve given up. It’s always been difficult, the arts are competitive by their very nature. And being from a working-class background, the first in your family to go to university, not having the connections, no one else paying your rent – It’s almost impossible. But I never gave up, I thought it was impossible for OTHER people, If I wanted it bad enough I could work through the night or just practice really hard or whatever.

And I’ve come up against the usual sexism in my working life, and I thought I could probably work around that too. But the intense physical and psychological pressure I’ve been under the last 16 months has ended me – and I don’t see a way through.

The systems of support for artist parents is just lacking. It’s a field where there are too many people, and those people are overpromising for too few jobs that aren’t well paid in the first place and I don’t have time to join them any more.

I can’t justify spending money on childcare to make art that might not pay out. You can say if I don’t like the system then I can work to change it – but when do I have time to do that?

I’m defeated, and no one will miss me when I quietly drop out, because they expect me to, because I’m a mother now.

I thought I’d show you both sides here, my general optimism and drive to stay creative while on the fringes of giving up entirely – just to say it out loud, in case anyone else feels the same way. You are not alone.

The end

Virtually Art – Middlesbrough Art Weekender

As a navigator north studio holder, I was naturally obliged to take part in the group show ‘Cluster’

I was thinking about a few things:

How people engage with art
Why don’t they do it in Middlesbrough
What art are we actually ‘allowed to see’
What barriers face us when we seek art to look at

My art installation was simple – I simply painted a vase of flowers in traditional oil paints, except instead of painting the flowers, I painted the individual colour pixels, giving the impression of a censored subject. Contemporary painting is wonderful like that, you can paint whatever you like.
I framed it traditionally and installed it in the gallery.

The background is painted traditionally, the subject is painted in coloured squares

At the same time, I had a digital gallery created by the boys at Wetdovetail design, and installed a painting of the flowers, uncensored, digitally, in the cyberspace gallery.

Back in the real world, I provided a QR code under the oil painting, stating that the art wasn’t available in our reality, and they’d have to visit the website.

I was going to put the digital gallery behind a paywall, and charge for it. But we weren’t supposed to profit from the exhibition so I couldn’t do that.

What I was thinking about is thus: What art are we allowed to see? As a working class audience, who decides what we can see? Art as ‘content’. What is put into public spaces? What is popular? The engagement of art is so low in Middlesbrough, why? Is it us, or is it the art? Is art not meeting us on our level? Or is art, like most everything else, behind a pay wall – in the town centre (travel, pay to park), in the galleries (Intimidating? 9-5, we’re working) etc.

During the exhibition, I was delighted to see people actually using their phones to visit the digital gallery, to see what a painting of a vase of flowers looks like.

A member of the public, engaging with art, in Teesside

I really feel like we need (as artists) to start thinking of ways to engage people (normal people) with art in new ways… I don’t know, I need to think more about.

A fabulous return to Dog portraits

I was working on a painting – I personally thought it was very, very interesting.

It was an idea about villainy – a series of portraits of popular pop-culture bad guys, dreamy-gouache illustrations of villains going about their days, in the downtime between doing very evil things.

Anyway, mid-painting my dad wandered over and asked: “Are you painting something no one wants to buy again?”

A fair point.

I spent the rest of my holiday painting landscapes, dogs, cows, and little houses on hills.

Some of them actually sold, I don’t know what to do anymore. People really, really, like little houses on hills. I mean, it’s not my passion, but I really like the positive attention I get sooooo….

I wake at 4am and start gathering madness

Did you enjoy that?

If you DID enjoy my post-it animation, then congrats. I bet you don’t get enough sleep.

Customs House Exhibition

My painting is on tour, and can be spotted at the South Shields Customs House summer exhibition. So that’s nice

Middlesbrough Art Weekender ‘22 CLUSTER

MAW (Middlesbrough Art Weekender) 2022 saw Navigator North rounding up studio holders for a group exhibition.

We were all happy to do this, as it gave us the chance to paint walls white, and engage with the public. Our two favourite things

Our shared studio recently suffered a small infestation of flies – the name of the group exhibition, and poster image, reflected this.

We were all allocated space, and (along with my virtual art project) I thought it might also be fun to decorate the space to look like my studio, and then sit there and paint all weekend.

I took a rug and my emotional support plant.

It was quite good actually – people, especially children, seemed to really enjoy watching painting. I think it’s important for artists to be present at exhibitions and account for themselves and their actions.

Print it! Show Catalogue

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Twice removed from reality

I saw the phrase “twice removed from reality” the same place that I get all my news and culture updates – on a meme.

For poetry in particular, or art in general, Plato argues that art is twice removed from reality, because it’s a copy of an idea

Art imitates idea and so it is imitation of reality. He gives an example of a carpenter and a chair. The idea of ‘chair’ first came in the mind of carpenter. He gave physical shape to his idea out of wood and created a chair. The painter imitated the chair of the carpenter in his picture of chair. Thus, painter’s chair is twice removed from reality. Hence, he believed that art is twice removed from reality.

So basically, philosophy is better than art, because art is a copy of a copy of an idea, and it’s less than real. Aristotle comes in and counters in defence of art:

….Art also gives something more which is absent in the actual. The artist does not simply reflect the real in the manner of a mirror. Art cannot be slavish imitation of reality. Literature is not the exact reproduction of life in all its totality. It is the representation of selected events and characters necessary in a coherent action for the realization of the artist’s purpose. He even exalts, idealizes and imaginatively recreates a world which has its own meaning and beauty. These elements, present in art, are absent in the raw and rough real. While a poet creates something less than reality he at the same times creates something more as well. He puts an idea of the reality which he perceives in an object. This ‘more’, this intuition and perception, is the aim of the artist.
Read here

The argument goes back and forth for a while; But art doesn’t teach morality, nor inspire virtue…but who said it was supposed to teach us? Is it not just to inspire aesthetic delight? And if art is not trying to teach, is it fair to judge it for that?

Some of this is relevant to me, I’ve been thinking about the Transporter bridge (Middlesbroughs greatest bridge)

If you’re an artist working in teesside, and you want to sell work, you can do nothing better than depicting the transporter bridge – probably the most artistically replicated structure in teesside.

I’ve seen photography prints of this bridge, I’ve seen it on a tea towel, watercolours, oils, it’s likeness crafted in felt and sold on art stalls.

Available to buy from Arthouse Gallery, Linthorpe Road

But of course there’s pushback – some artists think it’s tacky to paint, write about or otherwise depict the transporter bridge, it’s been done to death, it’s a joke now. I don’t know about this, it’s hard not to include in our art, the old industry that looms over us from all directions

What even is the Transporter Bridge? A bridge to take cars across the Tees – but it’s closed during the pandemic, and speculation is that it will never open again. So it’s not a bridge then, what is it? A monument to Teessides industrial past, is it technically a sculpture? Oh no, the Transporter bridge has become art.

Gouache studies for my Transporter Bridge Art

I did a sketch for the Home:Revisited exhibition – of the Transporter Bridge being ‘pixelated’ out of the horizon, so for the Working class: Revisited exhibition I ran with this idea

Using traditional gouache wash techniques, I created a landscape in the normal way you paint landscapes.

I’ve seen landscapes like this in small tourist galleries, where you can buy a picture of the place you’re visiting. There’s definitely a skill to it, one I’m not confident I actually have, but I did my best

I masked out the Transporter Bridge from the landscape, then went back and painted it in, painstakingly pixelated. I believe this must be a type of pointillism or expressionism, it looks fantastic from a distance

Painting the squares in opaque gouache

Every single square is a slightly different colour, all hand mixed and slightly opaque, thicker than the wash background. The end result is quite beautiful, though not perfect. I want to try this style of contemporary landscape painting again – maybe pixelating out other teesside landmarks until I have the whole of Middlesbrough removed

The working title for the painting was ‘Giant pixelated hentai Transporter cock’ but obviously I changed that for the exhibition. The work title/bio:

‘Twice Removed’ Gouache on Paper 2022

In the painting ‘Twice Removed’ (from reality) the artist attempts to capture Teesside’s iconic Transporter Bridge, but not really.
Will the bridge ever open again? Do we need it to? Can we call it a bridge anymore? Painted in traditional gouache on paper, in a contemporary style – Twice removed explores when art imitates a changing idea.

The exhibition runs through Jan/Feb:

https://bit.ly/3FrgQzx

Northern Gothic

As part of the Stockton Arcs series of projects (PART 2) celebrating northern artists, and the concept of Home – I created this gouache painting based on the theme of ‘Family’

I painted it using a 90s childhood photo of my brother and I as reference. It was taken in Scotland on Halloween. Our faces were painted by our father, Our expressions (‘1000 yard stares’) reminded me a bit of the painting ‘American Gothic’ – ‘pinched and grim faced’ on what was supposed to be a fun occasion.

***American Gothic*** is a 1930 painting by Grant Wood

Like the American gothic painting, I’ve exaggerated some features. Making the colours a little colder and bleaker, adding a green tinge to the soft furnishings and a slight vignette around the subjects. I also included a lot of patterns, on the curtains and clothes. I restructured the composition to include just my brother and myself with a view of Scotland in the background, with a single, lonely boat in the Loch.

I was aiming for a ‘nineties rural’ feeling. The original photo makes me feel a little nostalgic and sad, I remember how everything was cold and wet, and family occasions fraught with conflict. It feels so long ago, and like a photo of someone else entirely. I’m disassociating in the picture disassociated from the picture. I wanted the painting to look both old very fashioned, and recently retro, and also very stiff, formal and cold.

Thinking about it, the exhibition project might have been about celebrating family, and my picture isn’t quite that – though it does (hopefully) convey a closeness with my brother, but doesn’t really celebrate the whole situation

This is gouache, but I may recreate this picture in oils at some point.